Toxic Parents: What it’s like

First and foremost this is really difficult for me to write because I have struggled all my life with toxic parents and I’ve finally decided to stand up for myself and fight back.

I have been told these things by my parents verbatim:

“You are a piece of garbage” “you are a fucking bitch” “Haha, funny! Don’t know if I can cosign for an apartment for you honey, because I don’t have a legitimate job! You may have to do it on your own! Good luck” “You are tearing this family apart” “you are a spoiled brat” “bitch” “Fuck you!” “I don’t want to see your face anymore”

My mother kicked me out of the house because of the boy I was dating and where he was from because SHE didn’t like the area. Not because the guy was bad, but because of where he lived (which is my hometown y’all).

And unfortunately that is only the tip of the iceberg. Who knew that bullies aren’t just in the schoolyard, they can be your own family too.

I have been told I am a strong person and I can get through this, however as the days go on I feel at a loss. I’m not exactly sure where to go from here. I’ve cut myself off from my mother because I was tired of trying to please someone who I was never good enough for in the first place. I was always pressured to be perfect, which is where my anxiety stems from. It was damn near impossible to make her proud, and I know you must be thinking “well Ashley you must have been doing something?”

I graduated in the top 200 of my class of 600, I completed 100+ hours of community service, I was an A/B student, I took AP classes, I received multiple awards including the presidents award and other various honors awards. I was a band kid and continued that into my first two years of college. I got accepted into my top choice. In college I am a Dean’s List student, I am succeeding, and I have a great internship opportunity lined up.

So out of all of this I still get treated badly, which goes to show you that no matter who you are or what you do, toxic people make you feel like a failure even if you are far from it.

Now my dad has jumped on the train of emotional abuse. I’m scared of him. I don’t like him as a person. He isn’t kind, compassionate, or understanding. When I reached out for help with my anxiety and depression he basically told me it was all in my head and I don’t need medication. Now that I am on medication he treats me like a disappointment and refuses to converse with me like a normal person.

Funny thing is I feel so much better on medication. It is by no means perfect and I still struggle, but I am handling things so much better and I have more good days then bad. Having my dog is also a blessing that he treated like a curse.

He is threatening to cut me off. He refuses to talk to me. He drinks.

I don’t know what to do from here because I want so bad to cut the ties and start my own family that I have created with so many amazing friends. I’m tired of being screamed at and treated poorly. It’s absolutely emotional abuse at its finest.

However, some people are urging me to reach out and try to fix things. I truly feel that it’s so broken that there is nothing to fix because they don’t listen. It’s not for lack of trying and at this point dad is pretending like nothing ever happened. That’s the problem is there is no effort to salvage anything, money is love in his world.

If anyone has been through this or is going through something like this, I’d love some advice! Two or more heads are better than one.

I also hope that this maybe helped someone out there.

-Ashley

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